I just thought I'd let you know that I am single once again. It went the way it always does. Either they get bored and they tell me to fuck off, or they cheat. I got both this time. But I guess it's hardly surprising. I know I was no fucking saint, but the absolute gutless cunt dumped me over text, and he was fucking that fat bitch he calls his best friend the entire time, just like I always suspected. So I'll milk this as much as I can and I won't stop making him look like the bad one. Didn't I call it though? I knew it all along, deep down. I feel like I can't say much because I kept getting hideously drunk and doing bad things that I will never remember, but.. I don't know. I guess I can still feel betrayed.
I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing. I don't feel anywhere near as bad as I did when ex got rid of me. Obviously I was with him for 3 years and it just completely destroyed me. This little mug has only been in my life 6 months and although I am absolutely gutted that I have had yet another I grew attached to just walk out of my life, but I guess I am better off without. I knew I'd never be very serious with him, there was no marriage, kids, growing old on the cards. I might have got along with him really well, but no. I just feel very upset that I no longer have someone to sit there and be so sick with, joking about the worst things in the world. But I guess there will be more psycho boys that make me laugh? I hope so.
I cried so much yesterday but I think I've got it all out of my system now. I don't want to be too confident about that though. Thinking "I wonder what he's doing right now?" is making me feel so fucking sick. But there's nothing I can do. Just get on with it. I'm gutted that it took him a week to cheat on me with that girl. That fucking girl. I might be the fucking devil, but she is SUCH a nasty person. I've stupidly looked at the social networking sites she goes on and seen loads of petty indirect messages towards me about how fucking hilarious it all is. Yes, it's really nice to be cheated on and it's fun to feel so worthless. My heart does hurt a lot and I could cry so much but I don't see where it's going to get me. I think I actually learned something when ex left me and that was that sitting around moping for 3 months is a waste of my short fucking life and there's no need for it. So I'll remember that with this situation and get the fuck over it as soon as I can. But there's still the "why wasn't I good enough for him, why did he cheat on me so fast with someone with such a nasty personality so quickly?" but.. nah. No point in torturing myself.
I suppose I could sit here until the cows come home and wonder what I did wrong and what it is about me that makes them all cheat on me, but I don't really want to. I could also get absolutely drunk out of my skull but I've been in a constant state of "pissed" for the last 5 days. I had such an amazing weekend with my wonderful friends and then yesterday I had my boyfriend break up with me in a text because I made him really unhappy. What did I do to make him so unhappy? I don't know. But then shortly after I found out it was all true, he was fucking his friend, and I just kept going from crying hysterically to being really angry. I did my typical "stick to what you know" thing and got really drunk in the pub and cried at the table while I drowned myself in wine. But I had my friends there for me and it helped. I've had so much support and it's been really overwhelming. My phone has constantly been going off with texts and messages from people who are here for me, who want me to know that I deserve more, guys that want to take me out (too soon, mate, too soon) and whatever. I'm really grateful.
Anyway, I don't have the energy to write much more. I had 3 work people take me to the pub straight after work earlier and I managed to get really drunk in 40 minutes and then I went home and slept, so I feel a bit dazed. I guess I'll be writing in here again very soon anyway because I'm bound to get drunk and make a huge mistake. But fuck it. I'm allowed. At least I won't have to feel guilty anymore. I can do what I want, who I want, when I want.
I haven't spoken to him since last night and I don't feel the need to constantly harass him. It gets me nowhere, just makes me look like a complete fruitloop. So I'll try my best to avoid him. I'm not sure what I am going to do for the rest of the night. Just go downstairs and not get drunk and I'll probably watch some crappy film on TV.
I'm going to Wales on Friday the 26th of April with best friend and two geek boys and I won't be back until the Monday. I had a chance to go ages ago but I said no because of Dan. And now he's fucked off. So why shouldn't I go? It's for some Comic Con thing and I have no idea what to expect, but I am sure I'll just be constantly drunk anyway. It'll be good to get out of here for a weekend. Shame it can't be sooner. Ah well.
I'm going to go now. I'll write a proper entry soon.
*I'm not sure where my comment box keeps disappearing to. It'll come back soon. Useless fucking thing.*
9:38 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 09, 2013